Tuesday, February 17, 2015

just because...

Hi there my neglected little blog... you were a very tender commitment I was so excited and nervous to start a year ago. So much of my nervousness was wrapped up in my fear of failing, fear that I wouldn't be consistent to my vision: to go back and remember our stories and share them, to give testimony to Jesus for His goodness in our life. I had some great ideas that really gave me vision last spring. I think I posted about 4 or 5 times in 2014. #oops.

But can I just say, I love to write! And here I am it's almost 49 days into the New Year and I still haven't sat down to write once! I think my last post was over four months ago. I am so thankful that our livelihood doesn't rest on my performance to be a blogger. We would be homeless! So what keeps me from writing? My lame-o mind that says, "Once this and that are accomplished I will make time for it." And can I just point my finger and shake it at my own face for a moment... "The work will NEVER be done. Get over yourself, and schedule time for it." (Ouch). That’s hard for me. No matter how amazing or terrible you are at keeping a schedule I know that grace in seasons and situations must always triumph during mothering. So I have let that be what leads me, but I am entering into a season of needing to take more ownership of my hours. I haven’t finished Lysa Terkeurst’s “the Best Yes”, but dang it’s convicting.

Each night I continually think about this little neglected space, and even tonight I wanted to once again push aside the desire to write, I didn’t have any idea what to write about, plus it's not Monday or the weekend (and why those days seem like more "post-able" days, I have no clue...) Nor is it the beginning of a new month. And how do you bounce back to post something random?

In January, when our entire family decided to take the overwhelming plunge to do a Whole30 challenge all together, I would dream of sitting down and writing again. I kept saying, well once I can get out of this crazy kitchen then I will write, so I will start Feb 1st, I will write about our whole30 experience to start this year...

Hello Feb 18th (in a few hours!)... So these words I am about to say are not thought out or eloquent. I am a home school mom who will most likely have a lot of grammatical errors in this post... I don't remember any of those darn rules and I still love to write! So can I just say that I am so tired of my own unmeet-able standards. 

I am an external processor. I need to get what's happening on the inside outside of me, it’s actually like a deep breath once it happens. I need to share me. I was made to share the work that Jesus is continuing to do in and through me, and really, so were you. We just may have a different word number quota on a daily basis! So this post has no epic title, or deep uncovered truth. I would love to say this will be highly encouraging but I am just going to exercise my fingers tonight. You don't even have to keep reading!

I do want to share what I learned about whole30 and how God used it to do such a fresh work in our hearts. I want to share the practical lifestyle changes that came from it and how our entire health/whole food perception has changed. I want to share what we now choose to eat on a daily basis. I also want to share how it’s already created some not-so-good thought issues that I can't wait to kick to the curb! But not tonight... no, this is just a hello to you my dear blog, this space that I know with all my heart that God impressed on my heart almost four years ago that if I was faithful to this, He would bring blessing. I don't mean as a side business blessing... that's not my heart in this season. I do not have banners on my blog nor do I have links to old posts... and do you want to know why? Because I don't know how too! (IG has ruined my ability to express emotions without those ridiculous little faces ---> insert laughing crier face...)

So, my one little take away that I will share is this:

What I gained from whole30 and how I want to apply it here (to this on-again-off-again roller coaster writing trend) is that making a commitment that requires daily engagement in an unformed habit brings you painful but beautiful growth! I mean seriously, if I was a crazy faithful writer you would really know that I was a not-so-confident cook, and now I am SO different in my kitchen...like, forever changed from my 30-day experience! I didn't know how to do many things in my own kitchen 50 days ago... and now I cook numerous whole food meals multiple times a day. The kicker: conviction.

Once again I can't do a darn thing without the grace of God intervening. So here I am shouting from the mountaintops that willingness and weakness are an incredible offering to Jesus...even in good ol' practical places of life. Jesus wants to infiltrate all of us and to bubble up streams of living water in every detail of our life. I am thankful for some new springs and I hope I can get it together and share them soon.


I hope you have an awesome night.